Christmas day marked a week of being home, and that week has sure left me exhausted. I’ve gotten to see a bunch of family members and some friends, managed to unpack everything, and took some time to relax. And with only having had a week until Christmas, a lot of last-minute shopping, wrapping and baking took place, too. But so far, being home hasn’t really hit me like I expected it to.
Of course, I have been waking up at early hours of the morning only to remember that I’d have been getting up for class at that time, feeling tired early at night, and wondering how it can be so quiet out here in “el quinto pino” (an expression to mean somewhere far away). I’ll wake up missing wandering through the streets of the city and have to look through some of my pictures before I feel like getting out of bed. And on the other end of things, there have been some changes at home I’ve had to get used to as well as some lingering issues that I’ve had to deal with readjusting to.
But I was thinking that everything was going to hit me all at once, and it hasn’t really seemed that bad. I think being somewhat prepared for what I knew I’d be coming home to helped. I didn’t try to kid myself that problems would just go away, and I wasn’t expecting to come home to a fairy tale. And although it’s been a bit of a struggle emotionally and physically, it’s been more of a slow adjustment than an all-at-once thing.
It’s funny how similar my worries about coming home were to the ones I had going away. I was worried about the flight- I had a 45 minute layover in Lisbon, which turned into a serious crunch when my flight from Seville got delayed. I was worried about being able to communicate- though in a different way. I still can’t answer questions like “What was your favorite trip?” or “What was the best part?” And, I was worried simply about readjusting. But here I am, safe and sound, and taking it one day at a time and already getting back into the swing of things.
When I first got home, I expected that I was going to be pooped. But really, every time another one of my sisters came home or I said hello to someone new, I got a new burst of energy. And now, after the whirlwind of my first week home, I think I’m making up for it by sleeping in and being pretty lazy.
At the same time, I’m also starting to feel a little restless. I feel as though there were some loose ends I left untied when I left. Even though my last few days in Sevilla were some of my favorite days, it was hard to avoid feeling like I was rushed: into saying goodbyes, into getting last-minute mementos, and into doing some final things. But I didn’t get to say goodbye to my intercambios and missed the chance to say goodbye to my one professor at SSA’s center (I still have to answer her email and send her some pictures she asked for.) While I feel bad about these things, I know that I can still reach out to them now. My last few days I did get to see an incredible sunset at the top of Las Setas, spend some great evenings with my friends, and still meet new people.
But I’ve also been feeling restless wondering what my next “step” is.
I feel more confident in my ability to do things, both big and small, that I didn’t think I could do before and I don’t want all that I’ve gained from this experience to go to waste. So, after resting up a bit, I think it’s time to get back to the drawing board and figure out what I should be doing now. How can I keep practicing Spanish? How can I continue to push myself out of my comfort zone? How can I keep challenging myself in “having new eyes?” I have a few ideas, and I can’t wait to see how I put them to work.